The Villain Awards
by Ookami no Koofuku
Summary: Crack Fic. A big show is being held in Konoha. The teens,the jounins, the sand siblings and many more are participating in making a show as a tribute to the villains of the show Naruto. Bashing may occur.
1. Pre Show

_**Disclaim**_ I do not own ANY of the Naruto characters nor do I even need to. The characters featured in this fanfic belong to Masashi Kishimoto.

**The Villain Awards: Pre-show**

"Welcome to the pre-show of the Villain Awards, I'm your host Uzumaki Naruto, dattebayo!!"

"Shut it, usuratonkashi! You're making a fool out of your self,"

"And this is my o' so cheerful, team-mate/enemy/best friend in the show, Uchiha Sasuke, also know as chicken butt hair and the teme!"

"I do NOT have chicken butt hair!"

"YOUR HAIR DOES LOOK LIKE THE REAR OF A DUCK OR A CHICKEN!!"

"See, the public agrees with me!"

"Hn…"

"Moving on, Sasuke here is nominee for best betrayal scene. How does it feel to be nominated for this award?"

"Hn…"

"Come on! Are you still upset about the hair comment? Get over it already! "'

"HN!"

"While Sasuke's cooling off, we'll go to Shino and Ino who's standing somewhere…"

"They're greeting the villains at the red carpet, Baka!"

" ITAI!! SAKURA-CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!! WHEN DID YOU GET HERE?!"

"I have been here the whole time!"

-------------

"ARGGGGGG! FOREHEAD GIRL JUST WANTS ALL THE ATTENTION TO HERSELF! LOOK AT ME, CAN PUNCH A HOLE IN THE WALL. B-B-BUT EVERYONE HAS TO SAVE ME IN BATTLE! SHE IS SUCH A BRAT!"

"Ino, we're on!"

"O-oh, hehe…Weeeell, here with us is Orochimaru-san, one of the legendary sannins. You nominated for several awards, how do you feel about that?"

"Kukuku, I'm happy that my hard work is finally being appreciated. Do you know how much time evil experimenting takes?"

"…Nnoooo, of course not…"

"It takes years, YEARS I say!"

"Okaaaay…"

"After all those years, NOOOOOWW the see the value of it…"

"…M-mister…you're scaring me…, and we don't have anymore time left…. Sooo…"

"Before Orochimaru-san goes into a rant, back to you. Naruto,"

-------------

"B-But, I d-don't b-b-be on TV!"

"Unfortunately, do to extreme injuries Naruto can no longer host the pre-show. He actually ate too much old ramen, and had to go to the hospital. That Baka…"

"B-b-b-but, I c-can't go on T-t-t-V!"

"You're the only one here who's done with their assignment and on set. Therefore you're on…"

"B-b-but, I w-will choke! ... P-please stop pu-pushing me, S-sakura-chan!"

"No! _You will_ go on. _You will_ do fine!"

"B-b-b-b-b-but…"

"We're going on in 3, 2, 1…"

"…"

"TALK HINATA! TALK!"

"…"

"HINATA!"

"…"

"Sending Hinata of all the people around here is plain stupidity, Sakura. You knew she would choke….Troublesome…Now go out there and save Hinata, _and_ the show from embarrassment,"

"What a drag…I knew I shouldn't have agreed to this…"

-------------

"Hello, I'm Haruno Sakura, and this is Hyuuga Hinata,"

"…"

"Unfortunately Naruto, couldn't be here and we are filling in for him."

"Without further ado, let's introduce Kin-san. Kin-san come on out!"

"Hey,"

"…"

"Since most people don't know who you are, do you mind telling them something about yourself?"

"Hmpf!"

"A-a-ano…p-p-please t-tell…"

"Alright, I'm Kin Tsuchi. I was a part of the Sound Nins participating in the Chuunin Exams, and I was fourteen at the time."

"Kin-san, I been wondering about how beautiful and silk looking your hair is. What kind of hair products do you use?"

"What kind of hair products I use has nothing to do with you, but if you must know…Orochimaru makes most of his long haired employees use...mphh…"

"…"

"Kabuto!"

"Shh…do not tell them about 'Orochimaru-sama's secret way to fabulous hair'."

"Mphh…"

"A-a-ano…K-k-abu-to-san? W-why a-a-re you h-here?"

"Yatta! Hinata-chan uttered!"

"NO! Hinata-chan, do _not _faint!"

"Damn…"

"Psss…Sakura ...Read the posters… Go to the commercials now…troublesome"

"Stay tune. We will be right back with Chouji-kun and Lee-kun."

-------------

"Munch…munch…munch"

"HELLO YOUTHFUL VEIWERS, WELCOME BACK TO THE PRE SHOW OF THE VILLIANS AWARDS. I'M ROCK LEE AND THIS HERE IS THE YOUTHFUL AKIMICHI CHOUJI!"

"Munch…munch …Hi…munch…munch"

"AND HERE WITH US, IS JIROUBOU-SAN FROM THE SOUND FIVE!"

"Hello."

"AS THE YOUTHFUL VIEWERS HERE KNOW, JIROUBOU-SAN AND CHOUJI-KUN HAVE FOUGHT IN THE SERIES, AND THEIR YOUTHFUL FIGHT IS NOMINATED FOR BEST FIGHT. YOSH!"

"Munch …What…munch …do…munch… you think…munch…munch … about the nomination? …munch… "

"…"

"JIROUBOU-SAN! YOU'RE BEING UNYOUTHFUL SPORT! YOU SHOULD BE HONOUR TO BE NOMINATED TO FOR THIS YOUTHFUL AWARD!"

"Shut the hell up, you fucking freak! You're even worse then Tayuya... Blabbing youth all the time …"

"ON THE NAME OF THE RESPECTABLE GAI-SENSEI, I CHALLENGE YOU TO A RACE TO DEFEND MY HONOUR, JIROUBOU-SAN!"

"GAI-SENSEI! I'LL MAKE YOU PROUD!"

"…Munch… I don't… munch … think… munch… he heard you…"

"That fucking moron!"

"Ironic…munch… You're starting … munch … sound like…munch… Tayuya…munch"

"What did you SAY?!"

-------------

"Tenten, do you read me?! As troublesome as it may seem, you have to stop Lee from speaking into the microphone! "

"Why do I have to do that? I've never succeeded in stopping Lee. Ask Sakura to do it."

"Che, I would if not for the troublesome fact that she's here, while you're the closest person from the scene."

"Isn't Chouji with him?"

"Unfortunately, we're not able to contact Chouji. So stop being so troublesome, and get over there as fast as possible!"

-------------

"MY BEAUTIFUL FLOWER OF YOUTH! WHAT BRINGS YOU TO OUR YOUTHFUL CORNER?!"

"Damn it Lee stop embarrassing yourself, you don't have to talk so loudly into the microphone! People on the other side of the world can hear clearly without it! AND WHY ARE YOU RUNNING!"

"JIROUBOU-SAN AND I ARE HAVING A RACE!"

"If you guys are having a race, where is Jiroubou-san then?"

"HUH?! I DON'T SEE HIM ANYWHERE! DOES THIS MEAN I WIN THIS YOUTH RACE?!"

"Baka! Get your behind back to the…"

"OH! GAI-SENSEI! I HAVE MANEGED TO WIN AGAINST JIROUBOU OF THE SOUND FIVE!"

"…Never mind…"

"Shikamaru, Lee has run off to find Gai-sensei…"

"…Troublesome… You should go back to your post Tenten…"

"Okay"

-------------

"GIVE. IT. BACK!"

"Why should I? Hmm? It's not like you're going take it back, anyways."

"GIVE. IT. BACK!!"

"Munch…munch…These chips aren't half bad…munch…munch…"

"_GIVE!! IT!! BACK!! GRR!!"_

"…munch… Hmm … This is the last of chips… mmm…AHHH!!"

"GRR! YOU WILL REGRATE TRYING TO EAT _MY _LAST CHIP!"

"Ah! You couldn't even hurt a fly!"

"THIS IS IT! I'M SICK OF TRYING TO BE NICE TO YOU! YOU'RE GOING DOW...!"

-------------

"…"

"HAHAHA!!"

"…Stop laughing you imbecile…"

"I _can't _believe Chouji is the one causing the commotion. I though Naruto, Lee or even a battle between Sakura and Ino would be the cause! ...hahaha… but not Chouji! Hahaha!"

"Troublesome… By the way you guys are on in 30 seconds… 29 … 28 … 27 …"

"Aww…Can't I finish watching the fight before I go on?"

"No, two are the only ones here and therefore the only ones that can continue hosting the pre-show. Troublesome isn't it?"

"Cut the crap, Nara. I don't care about this idiotic show. It is my fate to do this because Hiashi-sama ordered me to,"

"Tch…You guys have got ten second to get on stage… 8 … 7 … 6 … 5 … 4 … 3 … 2 … 1 … "

"Hey and welcome back to the Villain Awards. I'm Inuzuka Kiba and this Akamaru,"

"Arf!"

"And the person next to me is the destiny obsessed Hyuuga Neji!"

"…Hn…"

"WHERE'S NARUTO, HINATA AND SAKURA!"

"As Sakura-san already said Naruto can not be here right now,"

"While Hinata-chan and Sakura are busy right now, so the two of us are filling in for them,"

"Okay… so Neji, do you think the Uchiha has the chance to win any award tonight?"

"His destiny doesn't foresee that he will win any award tonight…"

"You're a_ psychic_ now?"

"Hn…"

"This that _a yes_?"

"Hn..."

"The public as my witnesses, The Hyuuga Neji, just admitted that he is in fact a clairvoyant."

"No, I did no,"

"Yes, you did! Akamaru here can vouch for that, ehh buddy?"

"Arf!"

"Hn…"

"There you have it people! Neji's a clairvoyant, Sasuke's got a chicken-butt hair, Orochimaru-san has a secret way to fabulous hair, Lee is …Lee, and do _NOT _get Chouji mad."

"Arf!"

"That's all folks! I'm Inuzuka Kiba and this is Akamaru!"

"Arf!"

"And…this pissed off person next to me is Hyuuga Neji!"

"The awards are up next, so stay tuned!"

-------------

**Random things said by the characters after the pre-show:**

"…ugh… I really shouldn't have eaten that ramen, b-but it was _RAMEN!"_

"Are you jealous Ino-pig? That I got more screen time then you."

"Say what ever you want forehead-girl. You know very well which one of us has got the most talent."

"S-s-s-ta-a-age… Mi-mi-mi-millions o-o-of view-e-er… O-o-otou-san..."

"…"

"GAI-SENSEI!!"

"Shut it, Lee!"

""…munch… munch…Bwahaha… munch...munch…"

"Lighten up, Neji! You weren't even denying it!"

"Hn"

"What a drag… At least we're done…"

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**A/N: YAY, I'm back with another fic. **

**This one is do to one my friends drawing! **

**You should check it out! Her penname is nnoca on DA.**

**Review people, review!**

**Baibai**

Ookami no Koofuku 


	2. The Awards Part 1

****

**_Disclaim_** I do not own ANY of the Naruto characters nor do I even need to. The characters featured in this fanfic belong to Masashi Kishimoto. 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Shizune-nee-san!! Obaa-chan can not be a host, let along be able to stand straight all night? She's wasted! Why can't the rest of team Konohamaru, host this show with me?!"

"Gomen Konohamaru. The awards are about start, and your team-members already gotten their assignments. Tsunade-sama herself wanted the hostess job and we must not go against her. After all she is the hokage… A hokage who could destroy this stadium when angered. Do you understand what I'm saying Konohamaru? "

"…y-y-yes, ma'am!"

"Good. Now off you go,"

"B-b-but Nee-san! Obaa-chan isn't here! And stop pushing me, I'm not a child!!"

­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Weeeelocome to the first annual Villain awards!! Here are your hosts for the evening Konohamaru and the fifth hokage Tsunade!"

"Ahh! … Damn Nee-san! Why did I have to bring the pig...?"

"Oink!!"

"Oh! Yeah the awards! … Hi, y'all! I'm Konohamaru, and this one here is Tonton."

"Oink!"

"Tsunade-sama will be out any minute now. Until then…Tonton here is going to host the show with me… Right, Tonton?"

"Oink! Oink!"

"Tonton! Don't run away from me! Get back here! Don't make me come after you!"

"Oink! Oink! Oink! Oink! Oink!"

"Itai! That damn pig actually tripped me…"

"Pss…Konohamaru… Announce the presenters… "

"Aaanyhow…To present the award for best male villain, here are Hatake Kakashi and Maito Gai!"

"YOSH! HELLO TO ALL YOUTHFUL, YOUTHFUL AUDIENCE!"

"Yo,"

"ARG! THERE IT IS AGAIN, THAT HIP, YOUTHFUL ATTITUDE OF YOURS, MY YOUTHFUL RIVAL KAKASHI!"

"…"

"I PROPOSE ANOTHER YOUTHFUL MATCH OF YOUTH! I CHALLENGE YOU TO A YOUTHFUL READING COMPETITION! ...where did I put my YOUTHFUL green glasses? ..."

"…"

"OH, THERE THEY ARE! THE MATCH STARTS NOW!"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Hm? You said something?"

"AHA! I WIN THIS YOUTHFUL CONTEST! THE SCORE NOW IS AN EVEN 61-61."

"…huh...? Gai, did we have a just have one of your stupid competitions?"

"YOSH!"

"…thought so… Here are the nominees for best male villain…."

"THE NOMINEES ARE…"

"Orochimaru,"

"Pain,"

"Yakushi Kabuto,"

"Hidan,"

"Gato"

"Kakuzu,"

"Kisame,"

"and Tobi,"

"Gai, may I get the envelope, please?"

"YOSH!"

"…And the winner is…"

"TOBI!! YOSH!"

"Tobi won?"

"Yeah, you won, un…"

"Tobi must go and receive his award then?"

"Go do that, then, un…"

"Thank you Hatake-san. Tobi is very happy. Tobi is also veeery grateful for this award. Tobi wants to thank his fellow members of Akatsuki, especially Deidara-sempai! Tobi wants to talk the mangaka Masashi Kishimoto for drawing Tobi! And the people giving Tobi this award! But Tobi really wants to thank himself. So thanks Tobi for being Madara! Tobi guesses that's all! Baibai!"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"You have to go back out there Konohamaru!"

"Forget it, Shizune-nee-san! I quit!"

"No, you can't. This is a big responsibility, and you knew that from the being,"

"But, I don't want to!"

"Stop acting like a baby. Don't you want to impress Naruto, and the rest of them?"

"…Yeah…"

"Well, the only way to do that is by doing your job,"

"But Tobi really wants to thank himself. So thanks Tobi for being Madara! Tobi guesses that's all! Baibai!"

"You're on in three, two, one…"

"Shizune-nee-san! You don't actually have to push me on stage and why am I carrying Tonton again?!"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Well, Tonton. What do you think about hosting the show with me for the rest of the night?"

"Oink!"

"That's good. Should we introduce the presenters of the next award?"

"Oink!"

"TONTON! Stop running around!"

"Oink! Oink! Oink! Oink! Oink!"

"AAAA! ITAI!! DAMN YOU TONTON, WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU, I GONNA SHIP YOU OF TO A STEAKHOUSE!!"

"OINK!! OINK!! OINK!! OINK!!"

"YEAH YOU BETTER BE RUNNING! ...anyhow…Here to present the next award for best female villain, are Umino Iruka and Sabaku no Gaara"

"Hello"

"Hi"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…Gaara-sama, how is it being the fifth Kazekage at the age of fifteen?

"Fine"

"Not very fond of small, talks I see,"

"No, I'm not"

"Okey, let's just present this award."

"The nominees for best female villain are…"

"Konan"

"Uchiha Itachi "

"Hn,"

"Tsuchi Kin"

"Haku"

"Oh?"

"Deidara"

"Deidara-sempai! You lied! You told Tobi that you weren't a girl!"

"WHAT THE HELL, UN!! I'M NOT A GIRL, FEMALE OR ANYTHING THAT IS NOT MALE, UN!! DO YOU GET THAT TOBI! WHAT KIND OF FUCKING RETARDS ARE YOU GUYS, UN?! I HAVE A DEEP, MANLY VOICE IN THE ANIME, UN! IN THE MANGA I HAVE PROVEN I DO NOT HAVE BOOBS, AND STILL YOU GUYS DOUBT MY GENDER?! YOU ALL ARE A BUNCH OF FUCKING SHIT-HEADED GARBAGE, UN!"

"Ehem, let's continue…"

"Orochimaru"

"I may have long beautiful hair, but I'm certainly not a female!"

"Sakon/Ukon"

"He he…Huh? Do we even look female!!?"

"The fucking lipstick makes look like on, you fucking retards,"

"and Tayuya"

"And the winner of best female villain is…"

"Tayuya,"

"Thank you for this fucking award. I'd like to fucking thank my shitty team-members, Orochimaru – sama, and the fucking show for giving me the fucking award. Thanks a shit!"

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"Tsunade –sama! Where have you been?! The awards have already started without you! Get dressed, and wipe that drool off your face,"

"Hick…Shissune! Hick…I'nn the okagee, soo put a stak in it! Hick… Ann …hick… Thop soving... Hick…me!"

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"Obaa-CHAN??!!!"

"WHATCHA CALL ME?!!"

"…T-tsunade-sama? ..."

"…Good… Hick!! Whyyy an I currying Tenten?"

"You mean Tonton, right? I don't know…Maybe Shizune-nee-san gave her to you while shoving you out here..."

"Oink!"

"Tsunade-sama, where were you?"

"Doooon't YOU start that on me! Hick!"

"Oink! OINK! Oink! Oink! Oink!"

"Sossy Tantan. Hick! … Didn't mean to dop you,"

"Oink! Oink! Oink! Oink! Oink! Oink! Oink! Oink! Oink! Oink! Oink! Oink! Oink! Oink! Oink! Oink!"

"Ahhh!!...warm…"

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU DAMN PERV!!?"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!"

"Pss…Tsunade-sama…Announce the presenters… "

"Hick…sooo… to present the award for best villain death scene, here are Kankurou and Sai …Hick…"

"Hey"

"Hello, Barbie man,"

"What did call me?"

"Barbie man"

"Barbie man, that's funny coming from the man whore,"

"…"

"Would you quit smiling like that, I just insulted you?!"

"…"

"Man, you're messed up,"

"Barbie-kun, we should start presenting the award?"

"Barbie-kun!?"

"Yep, that's my nickname for you,"

"You look more like a Barbie then me, whore-kun. Besides it hard to get offended by a transvestite who looks like chicken-butt hair,"

"…"

"You really creeping me out. Let's get this over with. The nominees for the category of best villain death scene are…"

"Haku"

"Deidara"

"Momochi Zabuza"

"Kakuzu"

"Kimimaru"

"Kinuta Dosu"

"Sasori"

"Kurosuki Raiga"

"The winner is …"

"FUCKING HELL WHY AREN'T I A FUCKING NOMINEE?"

"Because you're technically not dead,"

"WHAT?! YOU FUCKING BUNCH OF DICKHEADS! MOST ON THE LIST FOR BEST FEMALE VILLAIN WEREN'T EVEN FUCKING FEMALE!! "

"…As I was saying, the winner is…"

"DON'T LITTLE FUCKFACE TRY TO IGNORE ME!"

"Deidara, or Barbie-chan,"

"WWWHAAATTTT!!!"

"…nothing…"

"Here you go…"

"Thanks for the award, UN!"

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"Temari-san, you have to fill in for Tsunade-sama and Konohamaru."

"Let me guess. Tsunade-sama is past out somewhere, and the little brat is in the hospital because of a temperamental drunk"

"Does that mean you'll fill in?"

"No"

"Why not?"

"Because I have no reason to host, ask someone else."

"No one else is available right now,"

"So I was your last choice, then?"

"No! That's not what I meant!"

"It sure sounded like that,"

"Temari, just go and host the show,"

"Gaara, why should I have to?"

"Because I'm your Kazekage and can therefore order to be a host,"

"But I'm your _older_ sister. And we are not in Suna. _Therefore _I don't need to listen to you,"

"Temari-san? Gaara-sama?"

"…Temari…"

"Stop the sand Gaara…"

"…No…"

"Okay, then I'll do this…"

"…Where did you get the water from? …"

"Temari-san could you just go out, and present the band, you don't need to do anything else,"

"Temari…"

"…Fine…"

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"Where the hell did I get the pig from?"

"Oink! Oink"

"Fine, Tonton then…"

"For tonight's music number…"

"Oink!"

"Give a shout out to…"

"Oink! Oink!"

"HEBI!!"

"OINK!!"

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**A/N: I don't have anything to say except:**

**REVIEW!**

**Tsubaki**


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